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one week ago today my husband and I said goodbye to our heart dog, Bosco. I don’t really know what to say…
I’m incredibly grateful for the support of this community. This was one of the hardest things I have gone through and this community has given me strength. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Bosco developed diarrhea that lasted over a month on and off. Also he wasn’t eating much. He looked as if he was having difficulty chewing and he bit his lip. It bleed. He lost muscle so quickly. His face was sunken in and it happened overnight. Despite all of this he was so bright eyed. My husband is struggling and wonders if we waited too long to say good bye. I wonder if we did it too soon.
We had a hospice vet come to the house. She was so kind. She waited until we were ready. I read part of Jerry’s comment from my last post to Bosco so he would know Jerry (the dog) would be there to show him arround. I told Bosco he didn’t need to be afraid of other dogs anymore either. He can trust them now. He’s had a hard time around other dogs for a long time. My husband read some memories of our time together. Then I read a poem. It was just right. Perfect for my heart. (I told him that he wasn’t just my heart dog but that he is my whole heart. And he sure is.). My husband showed Bosco a few things that he liked like his life jacket, a tennis ball, and a milk bone. Bosco has always surprised us and that day was no different. He had only been eating soft foods broken up in small pieces. But, he wanted the milk bone. He actually ate the whole thing! He made us laugh, on that terrible day.
When Dr. Alie gave him the first injection Bosco didn’t react to it. He just keep looking at my husband and I. It was a gentle process. We were at home. He was on his thick orthopedic bed and on the back porch which was one of his favorite spots. He left this world calmly and surrounded by so much love.
After, we stayed with him for several hours. That might sound strange, but when my parents put our last family dog to sleep she was gone so quickly. It felt too abrupt. So we kept Bosco with us. We cleaned him up, washing the ink off his paws. His sweet snowy muzzle was stained orange from baby food. I couldn’t scrub his face while he was alive. Also we cleaned his poor raw bottom. My husband and I both felt like it was the right thing to do for him.
we brought him inside and put him on his bed. We sat by him, petted him, and just cried. I clipped some of his fur. That always feels wrong to me somehow. As if I am taking something from him. So, I cut a lock of my hair and tucked it under his leg. Don’t ask me why, but It made me feel better.
Then, a very nice man from a local crematorium came to pick him up. My husband and I both kissed Bosco and said our last goodbyes. As he drove away with my boy, my heart broke again. It was the last time I saw my precious Bosco.
We went for for a walk around the neighborhood. Being in the house is so strange and quite now. My husband told Bosco before he passed that we were going for a walk and that he could come. I swear for a moment, I felt him with us.
We went hiking the next day on a trail that we would take Bosco on in the smokies. My husband did something….ridiculous. It’s silly and kind of embarrassing so I don’t want to say what exactly, but Bosco would have liked it. I collected some river rocks and acorns. Bosco loved to chase the squirrels.
Later that day we were able to pick up his remains. We are so grateful that he didn’t have to stay at the crematorium over the weekend. The place we picked him up at was a nice house (home /office) by a lake. It was comforting to think that Bosco was by water, he loved it so much.
Everything feels hollow right now. But, we are trying to cope. I made a memorial candle/ jar for him. I put the river rocks and acorns in it along with some sea shells from our trip to Charleston. I have lit the candle every night since he passed. Also we’re planting a tree for him on Sunday.
Its been a long journey. Our lives have been so wrapped up in Bosco’s care that I’m not quite sure what to do with myself when I’m not at work.
I miss Bosco, my heart.
This is the candle I made.
Loved You Best
Copyright © Jim Willis 2002, All Rights Reserved
So this is where we part, My Friend,
and you’ll run on, around the bend,
gone from sight, but not from mind,
new pleasures there you’ll surely find.
I will go on, I’ll find the strength,
life measures quality, not its length.
One long embrace before you leave,
share one last look, before I grieve.
There are others, that much is true,
but they be they, and they aren’t you.
And I, fair, impartial, or so I thought,
will remember well all you’ve taught.
Your place I’ll hold, you will be missed,
the fur I stroked, the nose I kissed.
And as you journey to your final rest,
take with you this…I loved you best.
I’m so glad we had some professional pictures taken of him. This was last December. He worked so hard that day.
I set out some of his favorite things and some pictures before he passed. His float coat was hanging off the back porch. The place I always put it to dry after swimming.
Below is Bosco eating his Birthday cake the day before he passed. We froze it because he couldn’t eat it on his actual Birthday. He snatched the whole thing! We had to fish it out of his mouth and cut it up. There were many things he could no longer do during his final days but he could still make us laugh.