It has been a year

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A little over a year ago we lost Bosco.  The grief is with me every day and getting used to our new normal has been hard.  I feel badly that I have not been around because I want to support others who are going through similar journeys.  I am not really ready to be here.  There are a lot of things I’m not ready for.

 

when Bosco was first diagnosed I didn’t know what to expect, but I did know him.  I knew he could learn anything he needed to know and I knew I could help him.  I knew the wasn’t afraid of the vet and I knew that he knew I would always come get him.

About a month after Bosco died we decided to foster.  It was something that I had wanted to do for years but never could because Bosco had issues with other dogs.  I couldn’t stand how quiet the house was and fostering seemed like a good idea because we weren’t ready for another dog.

we ended up fostering what we think is a lab/ beagle mix.  She was quiet.  Very quiet.  She was terrified, abused, still lactating, and suffering from extreme separation anxiety.  Somehow she managed to destroy our kitchen from inside her crate while my husband and I were at work.  She even chewed up Bosco’s rubber dish mat.  She made me cry a few times.  But, my husband and I understood and we worked with her.  We worked hard.  No one wanted to adopt her, so about a month ago we did.

 

Athena has come a long way!  She is able to be in the house without being crated. She has learned some basic commands and a few tricks.  I think she trusts us .  Things are just starting to get good and were finally bonding.

 

she is a sweet and gentle dog.  She deserves to know what it feels like to be loved and to be safe.

I wanted to believe the growth on her lip was a bug bite. She loves to walk in our plants looking of bunnies.  It didn’t go away and so we took her to the vet.  I wanted to believe it was nothing, that it would go away.  But deep down I think I knew it could be something worse.  I’m not ready to go through this again.  It could be just a wart but I have a feeling it’s cancer.  Her breath has gotten especially bad and that is a symptom.  We will know more after surgery this Thursday. I am so worried for her and I am incredibly angry with myself for waiting to take her to the vet.  Melanoma moves fast.  If that is what it is and if she could be treated, she may need part of her jaw amputated.  Athena is already terrified of the vet.  How can we do that?  And we have spent so much on Bosco, how can we afford this?  I am a wreck.  I’m not ready to do this again.


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8 thoughts on “It has been a year”

  1. Omd she is so pretty. And you are angels taking in the unadoptable and working so hard with her. Keeping fingers, toes, paws, and tails crossed that this is just a benign growth and nothing more.
    It is so nice to hear from you, I wish it were under better circumstances but I am staying pawsitive and sending you hugs and pawsitive vibes.
    Please keep us updated!
    Hugs,
    Jackie and Huck

    1. Aww thanks. She is pretty and it’s hard to believe no one wanted to adopt her. Athena is a little ball of snuggly love. I’m grateful that no one wanted to adopt her. At this point I think that she has helped us as much as we have helped her.
      I have missed tripawd nation. As soon as I can read blogs without crying I’ll be around. We wouldn’t of made it through Bosco’s illness without this place.
      For the next few days I’ll be focusing on spoiling Athena and I’ll update as soon as I can.
      Jackie, thank you for your support.

  2. I’m finding it so hard to believe a whole year has gone by. It’s just so weird how a year can feel so long and yet so fast when our hearts are aching from such a great loss.

    To take on the fostering and adopting of pretty Athena was such a selfless, giving and brave act of kindness and love. I’m pawsitive that Bosco had it all lined up as part of his strategy to help you heal. They say the challenge dogs turn out to be our heart dogs, the once in a lifetime ones. Time will tell but it sure sounds like that sweet girl has won your heart.

    Now about that lump….you know after dealing with cancer before, that they can be anything at all and are usually not serious. Stay off Dr. Google. Be proud that you took action immediately and try your best not to worry about things that haven’t happened yet, worry does no good for anyone. The test will reveal whatever is happening and with that information you can handle a plan to deal with it. You are stronger than you think. You have Bosco watching over you, sending you courage.

    I’m so glad you posted. Please let us know what happens OK? We are here for you.

    1. Yes, time is funny. It has been the longest and shortest year somehow. Athena has helped us a lot more than I thought. At first it felt nice to get back to the familiar routines of evening walks and feeding schedules but, she has become family. Having her around hasn’t taken the grief away. Bosco was my once in a lifetime dog. We had a special bond. Athena is different but she has made me realize how special Bosco was and she made me see how much room there is in my heart for other dogs too. I love Athena and I think we are slowly bonding. We are probably on similar paths in the sense that I miss Bosco and she misses her mom. She used to try to chase cars down the street and we think she was looking for her owner. Also she was practically in a trance when our new neighbors moved in. She stared at the wife until she got closer. It seemed like she thought it was her mom at first. We know that the man (I assume her dad) who surrendered her was not gentle with her when he surrendered her to the rescue. She is afraid of men but it didn’t take her long to fall in love with my husband. He’s her favorite person and it is so sweet.

      Dr. Google is kind of a jerk. Yes, what I read freaked me out. The vet said it could be melanoma and she asked about her breath which has gotten really bad lately. That is a symptom. But, she was living in a rural area and it seems likely she has never had a dental cleaning so it could be related to that. I don’t know. Hopefully it’s just a wart and dental stuff. She sure deserves a break. I guess I do too. I’ll try to stay positive in the meantime but this situation brings so much back to the surface. Anyway, I should get on with my day. My plan is to spoil her rotten as much as I can.

  3. She is so beautiful and bless you and your husband for adopting her. When I first brought Brownie home he was a mess! Tore up everything! Broke a window by jumping on it. He turned out to be the most loyal, best dog ever. He is my heart dog. And by the way, he is a lab. I hope everything goes ok at the vet.

    As I keep telling myself with Brownie, on day at a time!

    1. Aww thanks for saying that. Your definitely right about taking things one day at a time. I have a tendency to jump ahead. Gosh Brownie! I am glad he is doing better. It’s unbelievable but he is not the first dog I have heard of going threw a window. So scary. Bless you for taking good care of Brownie. ❤️❤️❤️❤️ Them labbies make great heart dogs. Bosco was mine but this girl is special in her own way. She has my husband wrapped around her paw.

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